Completely unsubstantiated rumors of new features for next-gen Nest Learning Thermostat.

Scouring the Interwebs for information on new features for the Nest thermostat, our crack team of investigators unearthed these highly confidential new features by bribing former KGB agents with a few cans of low-expansion foam and a half dozen LED lamps... um.. Rather these next gen features were fortold in calculations discovered by archeologists in ancient Mayan ruins which also predict the return of Quetzalcoatl.

Okay I admit it, they are all totally made up, but now they are rumors on the Internet, and thus completely credible. 

Please add your own ideas for new features to the comments below. 

Tamper proof spouse fake out mode:

Have your previous attempts at energy savings (and relationship bliss) been stymied by your spouse’s unnatural desire for your home to be just a few degrees warmer? Are they always turning the thermastat up or down whenever you leave the house? Turn on this new feature and never worry about your HVAC bill or your relationship’s stability again – unless a special code is entered first any attempt to raise or lower the temperature will activate the fake out mode causing the Nest to display the desired temp while secretly sticking to your programmed schedule.

Yes its underhanded and devious, but all is fair in love, war, and cutting your heating bill. 

Improved AI with creepy Hal 9000 glowing red eye mode:

Not intimidated by a learning thermostat with a rudimentary AI? Well, the folks at Nest are working hard to make sure the next generation Nest gets you the energy savings you need no matter what. Even if somebody needs to get blown out an airlock. 

"I'm sorry Dave, I cannot turn on the AC during peak rates."

Credit is due to Mike Walton, who may not have been the first to express this meme but took it to a new level with this gem:

Advanced shame functionality:
Need a little extra incentive to save energy? Now your Nest will be able to shame you on Twitter whenever you turn up the heat.

New Audio Responses:

Choose from an assortment of customizable audio responses whenever you try to adjust the temp. 

If you turn the heat up:

• Your Mother: “Put a sweater on.”
• Your Great Grandpa, Great Depression survivor: “Back in the winter of 1930 we had to burn the furniture for heat just to stay alive,.”
• Your Id: “Modern comforts have made you weak and feeble.”

If you turn the AC up: 

• Tom Jones singing "You can leave your hat on"

A Clock:

Perhaps the most radical and innovative feature yet, the Nest will now display a unique time telling technology known as a digital clock to let the home's residents understand their 4 dimensional cooridnates in the continuum while casually walking near the thermostat location.