We are not unenthused to announce the release of a new line of products aimed at helping builders and homeowners achieve certification under the world's newest and greatest energy efficient building standard, the Passive Aggressive House (aka Passivaggressivhaus).
Better than the Passive House standard, which has become increasingly common in North America after being popularized in Europe, the Passive Aggressive House goes a step further. Rather than simply allowing buiding occupants to live a peaceful existence in harmony with their extremely energy efficient and comfortable home, the Passive Aggressive House provides "user behavioral feedback" which extends into all aspects of occupants' lives: cooking, looks, love life, you name it.
The Passive Aggressive House product line aims to better the lives of users by forcing them to reconsider each and every building block of the foundation that allows them to go about their daily existence. As Socrates said "The unexamined life is not worth living," Passive House products force you to make a critical, cynical, sarcastic and oft-times outright depressing reexamination of your life.
Passive Aggressive House Products Include:
Responsive mirrors throughout the house provide feedback custom-tailored to the sartorial, culinary, and life choices of the building occupants. Feedback may include:
“Well, that is certainly a look."
"That shirt.... really fits your personality."
"I had acne as a kid, too."
"Smart" Induction Cook Tops:
This revolutionary kitchen appliance is guaranteed to inspire you to either spice up your cooking or run away from home and never look back.
“Oh, I see you’re having pasta again. How adventurous of you! Would you consider yourself more of a Lewis or a Clark?”
"More Kale? Yeah that's fine... I mean, some people might think your diet is a little pretentious, but I'm not judging."
The Nest Thermostat made waves in the energy efficiency community when it was released a couple years ago. The newest darling of thermostat aficionados is the "Rest" thermostat: simply set it and forget it, until it starts reminding you of its existence in painful ways.
“Yeah, take a load off. I’ll make sure you’re comfortable. Wouldn’t want you to have to get up and change the temperature yourself.”
"Oh, you're cold? I'm sorry, little fella. Sometimes we have to make sacrifices, like suffering through an indoor temperature of 68 in the middle of winter so that your grandchildren don't wind up living in a refugee camp in an apocalyptic post-climate-change hell. Really though, your call."
Foam-free cappuccino maker:
Concerned about the global warming potential of foam? Fret not. The foam-free cappuccino maker ensures that your environmentally friendly home remains foam-free.
Thoughts about the new Passive Aggressive House product line? We'd love to hear about them in the comments. Really, go right ahead and tell us what you think. Really.